I am out of control. I really need to find a way to reign my issues in. A way that is sustainable. A way that is liveable. A way that is a way to where I need to go.

WTF?

60 mins of yoga and 240 mins of trainer last week. Good, thoughtful eating. The numbers result this morning? Up 4 from last week. I don't want to sound over dramatic and say that this is devestating, but dang. Right now I'm fighting the urge to dump my healthy lunch and go and get something bad for me. I know that in the long run it would make me feel worse and I'm not going to do that, but that feeling of getting the bad for me items is stronger today than it has been in ages.

We don't drown because we fall in water... we drown because we don't get out.

-Chinese Proverb

I rec'd this in an email from someone:

"What is it that you really want? Really think about this because this commitment must be complete and without waiver."

I cannot tell you the rush of emotion that went through me, nor why it did.

The ride last night helped and it pushed me down to nearly 3 off this week. I know that the majority of it was due to water.

I tried something a bit different and stopped at home and ate a little before putting on the clown outfit. It seemed to help a bit.... except for feeling chunks nearly erupting at the top of one climb.

Also refrained from any of the snacks that were out post-ride. I did thoroughly enjoy 2 Molson Canadians though. Maybe it was a good compromise.

I am finding myself very much in the midst of a bad catch 22. Has me very down and I'm really struggling to get past it.

297.6/87